What Gives?

I am certainly not stupid,

But why am I so possessed with the poison?

It takes a lot of me to admit it,

More and more concentration to just quit it.

They say it comes from will power,

Well I want to meet this Will character.

And why the hell is his last name Power?

Why can’t mine be the same?

He is a sidekick to those who are successful.

Yet, he does not show his face around me very much.

I thought I was just getting to know him,

Once upon a time in my life.

What gives?

When will he stay along my side?

And feed me goals and perserverence?

Tell me that I can do it.

That I have a choice.

That I am a winner.

When will I really choose to listen to Mr. Will Power?

Velvet blue

you used to sing me sweet lullabies
and we used to dance in the rain
used to take me on long walks
you used to heal all of my pain
I used to call you my brother, my mother, my friend
you always told me that you would be by my side until the end

velvet blue
why did you leave me under the stars?
Velvet blue
you used to cover all of my scars
I'm doing a midnight dance
and I just need one more chance
to be with you, my velvet blue

you used to lay by my side until the rising dawn
and I was always your knight to take the pawn
you used to carry me through the Crimson Tide
I'd fall away through the haze and you would just glide
I used to call you a deceiver, a believer, and my little queen
and you always showed me how to abuse you like the fiend

velvet blue
why did you leave me under the stars?
Velvet blue
you used to cover all of my scars
I'm doing a midnight dance
and I just need one more chance
to be with you my velvet blue

Something

Big things…small things, they all mean so much

It’s hard to deal with them when you lose touch

Seems like everytime I try to make my little world

It dries up in a puddle in one big swirl

And everybody sees me standing with a smile..

But, when the music has been playing for awhile..

The tempo changes.. the curtains close..

Everybody sees my true feelings, everybody knows..

Something

Big world…small world, who do we blame?

Everywhere I go it all seems to be the same

Like footprints tracking up the cold, wet sand

We leave our little mark to follow hand in hand

And everybody sees me standing with a smile..

But, when the music has been playing for awhile..

The tempo changes.. the curtains close..

Everybody sees my true feelings, everybody knows..

Something

Self-will riot

familiar places and familiar faces

somehow I've become paranoid of the two

if I could face them like a roaring lion

I'd be able to reach the Acme on Kilimanjaro’s laden stretch

yet, part of me refuses to push ahead

and the rest of me is satisfied with being alone

this too shall pass, said one of the familiar faces

my confidence was instantly rebuilt and I was off to the races

back again in those familiar faces chasing my nightmares again

yet, he was my choice to fold up again until Possum

only pretending to be dead because I never had the balls

to carry the off, by myself, yet so still.  I only pretended

crying out to heaven for the Angel to please come out and save me

yet, I was still standing upon the pile of the defeated

it even smelled like defeat, but somehow I grew a little stronger

maybe because it didn't kill me and pissed off that it didn't make me feel the way it had done when I was still young

so why was I still choosing to face the roaring lion?

A bad habit, so hard to break was all I could think of

why did I feel used up and thrown away?

Like the self will run riot, I still remain quiet

because I was still hurting and bleeding and I was still feeding

the bad Wolf and he was crouched and ready to devour the rest of me

am I ready to be eaten? Or will I surrender the war against myself?

And end that self will run riot

Now Feel This

My vision is going and sometimes my brain is lost.

Seems I always fulfill these things with no limit to a cost.

And sometimes these things dig up in my skin.

What is the problem? You don’t know how to begin.

Stranger days have come and made a pass.

Oh, When will we ever come and learn in class?

Pain is indubitably the affected consequences.

When will this heart and soul bring back my senses?

Anger brings rage and stomps around within my mind.

If I had the remote where would I stop and rewind.

Now feel this…

I’m a hero to my eye own misery

A saint through the eyes of a madman

And now I’m making history

Only that I was always masking the face of a sad man.

This is not the real me, only here an imposter to spy.

I only chose to let Satan here my horrific cries.

God is always near I just never chose to turn to hear.

Only truly dying is what I really opt to fear.

My journey is halfway over and I am alone and cold.

We had everything you and I but now we’re getting old.

Will I burn my own fate before another real hero dies?

The only melody is about how the angel watches of and flies.

Do I still have a place in the presence of the stars?

Or will I remain to wear these scars behind more iron bars?

I am a liar, thief, lover, uncle, son and a brother.

I don’t think I will ever be able to love another.

Somebody hold me up because I can’t find or see my God.

Until that day I will only be a memory of a love so hard.

-   

My Ground

I used to play in a field such a long time  ago
Where everything was pasted on its canvas with you
While standing on the otherside with cruel intentions
I wish I could've known what you failed to mention
Was there a field for you,  pasted by another?

This was my ground you decided to parade upon
Now stand aside while I reclaim what was always mine
And I will stand on the other side of your place
Tainting you with something better and without a trace
And you would wish that you knew
What I had going on brewing and stewing inside
And how many times I thought of you and cried

This is my ground and you will never see me again
I broke this cycle you tried to hand to me with chaos
And now I'm arranging myself back in order
How this task never seems to end for me
But when it's finally over I will be alive again

Lover, friend

time has traveled

strands of hope unraveled

and the color remains blue

the tears glistened

and I still listen

for a reply from only you

my heart still insists

yet my hands still resist

just the notion of a chance

coming to your senses

taking second glimpses

then just another glance

trying to just let

another day to forget

what was only something then

only waking to another

thinking of you lover

it's me all over again

lover, friend