What Gives?

I am certainly not stupid,

But why am I so possessed with the poison?

It takes a lot of me to admit it,

More and more concentration to just quit it.

They say it comes from will power,

Well I want to meet this Will character.

And why the hell is his last name Power?

Why can’t mine be the same?

He is a sidekick to those who are successful.

Yet, he does not show his face around me very much.

I thought I was just getting to know him,

Once upon a time in my life.

What gives?

When will he stay along my side?

And feed me goals and perserverence?

Tell me that I can do it.

That I have a choice.

That I am a winner.

When will I really choose to listen to Mr. Will Power?

Velvet blue

you used to sing me sweet lullabies
and we used to dance in the rain
used to take me on long walks
you used to heal all of my pain
I used to call you my brother, my mother, my friend
you always told me that you would be by my side until the end

velvet blue
why did you leave me under the stars?
Velvet blue
you used to cover all of my scars
I'm doing a midnight dance
and I just need one more chance
to be with you, my velvet blue

you used to lay by my side until the rising dawn
and I was always your knight to take the pawn
you used to carry me through the Crimson Tide
I'd fall away through the haze and you would just glide
I used to call you a deceiver, a believer, and my little queen
and you always showed me how to abuse you like the fiend

velvet blue
why did you leave me under the stars?
Velvet blue
you used to cover all of my scars
I'm doing a midnight dance
and I just need one more chance
to be with you my velvet blue

Something

Big things…small things, they all mean so much

It’s hard to deal with them when you lose touch

Seems like everytime I try to make my little world

It dries up in a puddle in one big swirl

And everybody sees me standing with a smile..

But, when the music has been playing for awhile..

The tempo changes.. the curtains close..

Everybody sees my true feelings, everybody knows..

Something

Big world…small world, who do we blame?

Everywhere I go it all seems to be the same

Like footprints tracking up the cold, wet sand

We leave our little mark to follow hand in hand

And everybody sees me standing with a smile..

But, when the music has been playing for awhile..

The tempo changes.. the curtains close..

Everybody sees my true feelings, everybody knows..

Something

Self-will riot

familiar places and familiar faces

somehow I've become paranoid of the two

if I could face them like a roaring lion

I'd be able to reach the Acme on Kilimanjaro’s laden stretch

yet, part of me refuses to push ahead

and the rest of me is satisfied with being alone

this too shall pass, said one of the familiar faces

my confidence was instantly rebuilt and I was off to the races

back again in those familiar faces chasing my nightmares again

yet, he was my choice to fold up again until Possum

only pretending to be dead because I never had the balls

to carry the off, by myself, yet so still.  I only pretended

crying out to heaven for the Angel to please come out and save me

yet, I was still standing upon the pile of the defeated

it even smelled like defeat, but somehow I grew a little stronger

maybe because it didn't kill me and pissed off that it didn't make me feel the way it had done when I was still young

so why was I still choosing to face the roaring lion?

A bad habit, so hard to break was all I could think of

why did I feel used up and thrown away?

Like the self will run riot, I still remain quiet

because I was still hurting and bleeding and I was still feeding

the bad Wolf and he was crouched and ready to devour the rest of me

am I ready to be eaten? Or will I surrender the war against myself?

And end that self will run riot

Now Feel This

My vision is going and sometimes my brain is lost.

Seems I always fulfill these things with no limit to a cost.

And sometimes these things dig up in my skin.

What is the problem? You don’t know how to begin.

Stranger days have come and made a pass.

Oh, When will we ever come and learn in class?

Pain is indubitably the affected consequences.

When will this heart and soul bring back my senses?

Anger brings rage and stomps around within my mind.

If I had the remote where would I stop and rewind.

Now feel this…

I’m a hero to my eye own misery

A saint through the eyes of a madman

And now I’m making history

Only that I was always masking the face of a sad man.

This is not the real me, only here an imposter to spy.

I only chose to let Satan here my horrific cries.

God is always near I just never chose to turn to hear.

Only truly dying is what I really opt to fear.

My journey is halfway over and I am alone and cold.

We had everything you and I but now we’re getting old.

Will I burn my own fate before another real hero dies?

The only melody is about how the angel watches of and flies.

Do I still have a place in the presence of the stars?

Or will I remain to wear these scars behind more iron bars?

I am a liar, thief, lover, uncle, son and a brother.

I don’t think I will ever be able to love another.

Somebody hold me up because I can’t find or see my God.

Until that day I will only be a memory of a love so hard.

-   

My Ground

I used to play in a field such a long time  ago
Where everything was pasted on its canvas with you
While standing on the otherside with cruel intentions
I wish I could've known what you failed to mention
Was there a field for you,  pasted by another?

This was my ground you decided to parade upon
Now stand aside while I reclaim what was always mine
And I will stand on the other side of your place
Tainting you with something better and without a trace
And you would wish that you knew
What I had going on brewing and stewing inside
And how many times I thought of you and cried

This is my ground and you will never see me again
I broke this cycle you tried to hand to me with chaos
And now I'm arranging myself back in order
How this task never seems to end for me
But when it's finally over I will be alive again

Lover, friend

time has traveled

strands of hope unraveled

and the color remains blue

the tears glistened

and I still listen

for a reply from only you

my heart still insists

yet my hands still resist

just the notion of a chance

coming to your senses

taking second glimpses

then just another glance

trying to just let

another day to forget

what was only something then

only waking to another

thinking of you lover

it's me all over again

lover, friend

King’s Armor

These scars I wear are just a reminder

Of how I scream inside for help

As the demons surround me constantly

Just to watch how hard I really fell

The storm inside me brews on ends

Forever washing up my raging, waging sins

Yet, somehow, I will find the way

To his light of everlasting life

Conquering those demons once and for all

As they keep trying me with strife

I will survive, I will win

Left standing in the midst with him

I’m so tired of throwing my life away

It’s time to live as the new man within

Sooner or later there will be a time

When judgment will come and he will reign

And I’m going to make damn sure that I am

Ahead of the devils game

So, as I walk towards him

As he establishes my steps along the way

I will gain the wisdom, strength

Understanding and knowledge everyday

I’m sure satan will test me with

Every trick he possibly knows

But, I will be prepared with my king’s armor

From my head down to my toes

Just Believe

I want to shout from the rooftops

What he did for me

He gave me two eyes and now

I can truly see to believe

He died for my sins

Such a long time ago

Now I am a new man

And an heir to His throne

I wish that I could have

Heard the Truth right from the start

But this was the way He had me

See it with my own heart

And now I believe

That what He’s called me to do

Was the same thing He means for you

So open your eyes

And try to realize

That one day

You will be in Paradise

If you just believe

That he died for yours and mine

And now it’s time for you to shine

So, Just believe

I want you to know

He has given me a brand new song

He took my weaknesses

And now has made me strong

Yes, by His stripes,  I was healed

From my head to my toes

Now I’m a better man

Yes Lord, and He wants you to know

He is my potter

And I am His clay

Now He has given me

The Light to show you his Way

So now I must be His beacon

And plant His golden seed

And tell you why our Savior

On that day had to bleed

Because now I hear His Word

And know His Kingdom is within

And now it is your time

My friend to be free from sin

So take the time to kneel

And bow down your head

Say these Words from your heart

About His everlasting Daily Bread

In Due Time

Fate twisted as the years have gone by

A smile broken from a young girl’s cry

The feeling is gone and now I am numb

The truth hurts, but only for some

People pass by like a gust of wind

And now all I have, is you my Friend

Seems like I keep hearing these same old lines

Of the past, the future, and the present time

Yet, things are getting better, they’ll be just fine

In the past, the present, and until the end of time

Turning my back to the world was easy to do

Yet, the Man made me wake up and see what’s true

He said, ‘The world isn’t gonna

change by losing your hand’

‘You got to put both feet

 on the ground and take a stand’

Seems like I keep hearing these same old lines

Of the past, the future, and the present time

Yet, things are getting better, they’ll be just fine

In the past, the present, and until the end of time

To live in the hearts we I am Free !                                                               

Don’t grieve for me, for now I’m free. I am following the path God laid for me.

I took His hand when I heard him call, I turned my back and left it all.

I could not stay another day, To laugh, to love, to work or play.

Tasks left undone must stay that way, I found that peace at the close of the day.

If my parting left a void, Then fill it with remembered joy.

A friendship shared, a laugh, a kiss, Ah, these things too I will miss.

Be not burdened with a time of sorrow, I wish for you the sunshine of tomorrow.

My life’s been full I savored much, Good friend, good times, a loved one touched.

Perhaps my life seemed all too brief. Lift up your heart and share with me, God wanted me now, so he set me free.

leave behind is not to die.

Gravy Day Dad

I can breathe again today… I been here before and I swear I never loved it more.

What the hell was I running for? When did I take that wrong turn before..when I walked right through the door.

Gravy days our loved and I gotta thank the One up above even if it comes to push and shove.

Call me selfish for fighting to a happy ending and I’ve also been tripped and lied to before  about what I’m speaking of.

I’ve hid, I’ve cried watch my closest friends and enemies die.

I’ve screamed to God asking the most famous question why…do we… it never ends.

Yet, He is always there to share my pain and hold my hand and the other one he lends.

Maybe to someone else like my family and best friends.

I just know my heart is broken, yet I still seem to hear the words that are spoken.

Like the world’s greatest gift a life earned token and washed away our all sins.

I blink today because everything is going to be ok and my life is busy today.

Going somewhere.. just anywhere I want and just do whatever I say because I prayed..and I now I stay in His way..and I am feeling ok..

It’s like I see just a glimpse of what He sees and then I look at mine as not so sad.

The greatest and the latest on top of the world feeling that I never had…he’s my dad!

Gracious God

Goodness gracious God of mine

It is your Love that I am always searching to find

It brings me joy to feel your touch

It is you that I want to return the love so much

The great I AM to me is who you are

My Maker, My Lord, My Savior, My Morning Star

It is you who would never leave me

Or ‘tis it is you that would never deceive me

Gone

Woke up this morning and noticed she was gone.

I could still see her impressions in the blue wrinkled sheets.

She left me so discretely and delicately and I wander,

Where did I go so wrong?

She never told me what was on her mind,

I lied there and tried to rewind the memories.

I was so kind, I was so cold, I was never on time.

Yet somehow I made myself believe everything was fine.

Maybe there was something she saw in these blue eyes.

There was the truth under the lies,

Somehow that doesn’t seem so much like a surprise.

And then I started to realize… yet somehow I thought this was love.

Although I thought I was the one she needed when she cries.

Maybe tomorrow she will return before my heart completely burns.

Oh, how I yearn for another turn.

Never thought it was too late to learn and I thought she was concerned.

How could she walk away when I needed her the most?

Was it because I couldn’t look at her when I wanted to cry and hold her close?

She could of told me something but I was just silent like an old ghost.

For Me

I  was getting older and the world was not breaking for me
I had to grab a hold of something before I felt another tragedy
I knew it was gonna be hard work and a lot of dedication
I had finally discovered what fueled me was me was constant appreciation
Somebody once told me just  take it one day at a time
And everything is gonna be just fine

So here I go…

Gonna make it this time

I just keep telling myself I’m not gonna die

I gotta do instead of just try

It’s been a long windy road to this day

But now I know this is really the only way….. For Me

I was always talking way ahead of myself about  what was to come

Never in the now just in yesterday or tomorrow and I was spun

Excuses were my words and I was running  out of them in time

Had to just keep holding on..yeah holding on for what was to be mine

Somehow I just new that this was not was meant for me

The life of misery and tragedy but a life Truth in eternity

Fled

Thoughts of never ending sorrow today

Restless nights of sleep, leading my way

Mourning for the loss of someone dear

As a sad melody rings through my ear

Wishing I could have said, goodbye

Maybe one day again, I can say, hi

Tears have shed

My heart has bled

Remembering the things

That he had said

A smile so wide

With eyes to collide

Oh, how much I wished,

I had tried

Realizing what I saw so much in him

Came from me and came from within

A gift he carried to touch us all

Always the good, never the bad I saw

Wishing I could have said farewell

A matter of time, only to tell

Tears have shed

My heart has bled

Remembering the things

That he had said

A smile so wide

With eyes to collide

Oh, how much I wished,

I had tried

In memory of my beloved baby brother Joseph Allen Capps, we all miss you.

Fallen Again

Eloquently today I have befallen in today’s sunrise.

Resulting from a trickling past that has begotten current time

What tomorrow should hold for me is now I just focused on today.

As a grasshopper would never hop back into yesterday

Only time unfolds the moments on the path I have chose for now

Hoping that I will not fall astray from what is my true fate

Yes, I have fallen again and sadly I cherish only what I still have.

Like one shimmering ray of hope to guide me back on the angels wings.

Today there is hope for this broken soul that has once again befallen.

And he will spread his wings and inhale life once again.

Not being afraid of yesterday and tomorrow like he was before.

Just clinging on to what is now and the path that will be clearly beaten

One breath, one moment, on more rescue.

And it all lies within.

The Fallen Again.

Completely Torn
Tell me that you still love me
Today, tomorrow and the same as yesterday
I put my heart into what we started
And I feel like you are now drifting away
Just when I think everything is okay
Because you tell me that you still love me
And I hold on to those words so delicately
Because you have my heart in your hands, can’t you see?
So, if you decide that this is not working
And what I am to you, is nothing but hurting
If you go, please let my heart down gently
So that I won’t feel like I’m the one deserting
Now, I’ll wake up to another new day
Bowing my head and closing my eyes
If you saw me, would you not chose
Just to think that I was only pretending to pray?
So if you still love me, then just tell me
Look into my eyes like you did before
Because I am feeling broken
Inside I am crying for you
So please come back before my heart,
Is completely torn.
Then I am done.

Climb Out

Forgotten or maybe just erased
It was good that it was you I couldn’t face
I was giving up on myself, my heart was broken
Until I heard the words of Truth from the softly Spoken
I kissed the velvet lips on the face of death countless times
And now I stand as an easing miracle behind these pale blue eyes

In this battle kneeling in the rain I was self-pronounced dead
Running away only to find more serious trouble ahead
Where was the bottom to this hole I was in from sin I had to scream and shout
It was so damn easy by releasing the shovel and just climbing out

 Before I am Gone

Tattoos and poems

Sketches and jotted words

All of them

Deep from my heart

When will this world end?

When will eternal life start?

Im’ down with jesus

I think about him all the time

I pour these words out

And some how

These insane words

Sporatically rhyme

I’ve been suffocating in the dark

Can someone please switch the light on?

I’m constantly expressing it in the art

Can someone please tell me before I am gone?

Music and literature

They are all

Searching for the same

Everyone knows him

They just choose

To use a different name

I’m waiting for jesus

And I know

I’m running out of time

Like a theif in the night

That’s when he comes

So I am gonna be just fine

I’ve been wallowing in the mire

Can someone lend me  a helping hand?

I’m forever with this burning desire

Please take me to the promise land

1 foot on the gas

Hey you Mr. freeway

my name is Mr. passerby

I came to see you

about the makings of a nickel and a dime

so why don't you guide me

to a land that was built upon the skies

for you can see

that it's hard to be one of those standup kind of guys

Carolina back roads and

Virginia swamps also hard to master

1 foot on the gas

trying to save my ass

from another one of those self willed disasters

trying to keep it cool

because I ain't nobodies fool

and Times not going to move any faster

Hello there Mr. sunshine

it's you that greets me every day

I came to see if you knew

why the pale yellow moon won't come out and play

I know you know, Mr. Sun

that it does not have anything to do with the way I shoot my gun

because I'm tired of all your days

and all your bad ways, so why don't you show me why

Carolina back roads and

Virginia swamps also hard to master

1 foot on the gas

trying to save my ass

from another one of those self willed disasters

trying to keep it cool

because I ain't nobodies full

and  Time is not going to move any faster